Etiquette: how to do it like a local

'How are you?' isn't a question

It's a greeting. Answer 'Good, how are you?' and move on. Small talk at the register, in the elevator and at the coffee bar is normal and expected. A compliment ('I love your jacket!') is a way to say hello, not an invitation to discuss your jacket.

Dialing down directness

'That's wrong' sounds harsh here. Say 'I'm not sure that's right' or 'Have you considered…'. Criticism is sandwiched between compliments. 'Let's grab lunch sometime' is politeness, not a plan: only when a date appears is it real. That's not fake, it's just the code.

Restaurant rituals

Wait at the entrance to be seated. Water is free and constantly refilled. The bill often arrives unprompted when you seem done: that's service, not a hint to leave. Ask for 'the check' when you want to pay; splitting ('separate checks') is normal. Taking leftovers home ('to-go box') is completely standard.

Hospitality and shoes

Invited to someone's home? Bring something (wine, dessert) and ask if shoes come off. Arrive 10–15 minutes after the stated time for parties; on time for dinners. Three kisses don't exist: a handshake, or a quick hug among friends.

Biking, walking and the police

Jaywalking has been allowed in California since 2023 when safe, but drivers don't expect it. Pulled over in the car: stay seated, hands visible on the wheel, wait for instructions. Friendly and calm, 'officer'.

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